


Regrets

by Recycling



Series: Someone I'm Longing to See [2]
Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/F, Fluff, Hurt, Pain, Pining, Regret, my sad kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 09:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6000352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recycling/pseuds/Recycling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peggy's thoughts on some of the incidents in <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5792113">Months, Days, Hours, Moments</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

Peggy remembered. Peggy remembered so much that her heart ached and her eyes threatened to spill over every time she thought about it. Peggy remembered Angie and her sunshine smile and her goodness and her light. Peggy missed that light, but in the end, had she really had a choice? 

_“You belong on stage Ange, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”_

_“Shut up English.”_

That’s what friends did right? They encouraged each other. Heaven knows Peggy had needed Angie in her life. Needed that optimism and vibrance that Peggy herself found so difficult to muster. 

_“They’re blind if they can’t see how valuable you are Pegs, they’re gonna have to recognize you someday.”_

_“I’m afraid your opinion of me is a bit biased Miss Martinelli, but I still appreciate it.”_

Angie didn’t know how much she had _needed_ to hear that. If no one else had valued her, Angie did, and that was enough. 

Peggy was never good with words. Not these kind of words that she needed now. She had tried to do nice things but always wound up making it worse. 

_“Pegs, promise me you’ll never try to cook again, I don’t think I can save this pan.”_

_“I’m sorry Angie, I was reading a report from work and...“_

Angie discovering her kitchen misadventure had made her pray that the ground would swallow her whole then and there. Angie’s laugh had made all her worries disappear as they grabbed their coats and went out for dinner. 

Other times though, it felt like more was at stake. Peggy would help ready Angie for auditions, playing the dashing hero to her laughing maiden. 

_“I swear English, if you drop me…”_

_“Relax, I’m perfectly capable of dipping you. We have to follow the script don’t we?”_

If only she could have told Angie how hard it was to let go. How much Peggy wanted to be that hero, to sweep her off her feet and hold her forever. 

Angie teased her relentlessly, but she never really minded. 

_“Just try it Pegs, it’ll look splendid with that dress.”_

_“Angie, if you try to put that monstrosity of a hat on my head again, I’ll put frogs in your bed.”_

_“Wouldn’t bother me, grew up with three brothers.”_

Turning away, Angie missed the blush that covered Peggy from her face to her chest at the words _Angie_ and _bed_ in the same thought.

Peggy did truly enjoy Angie’s family, but sometimes her heart pitter pattered in worry when they asked questions at Sunday dinner. 

_“Angie, dear, any nice young men in your life?”_

_“Ma, I’m busy, I haven’t had time for any of that.”_

_“Well, you’re not getting any younger sweetheart.”_

Bristling at the conversation, Peggy had to bite her tongue to keep from retorting to Mrs. Martinelli’s inquiries. How dare anyone put an expiration date on Angie’s loveliness? Couldn’t they see how wonderful she was?

Peggy made promises she broke, and her heart broke to think of what could have been. 

_“Pegs, can we just stay like this forever? You, me, no one to bother us.”_

_“If you want Angie.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Promise.”_

If she could have turned back time, Peggy would have given anything to keep that promise. To apologize and beg for forgiveness. But it was too late now. Too late. All Peggy had to live with was regret and broken promises and the feeling of Angie’s head on her shoulder and Angie’s hair in her fingers… She had to curtail these thoughts or they would consume her. 

But she didn’t want to let go. Didn’t want to forget those little moments that made her believe she could truly have her heart’s desire. Angie had been coming in from a long day at work the first time Peggy nearly leaned down and kissed her on the lips. 

_“Careful Miss Martinelli, the leading lady can’t be seen tripping onto the stage.”_

_“Shut up English, it was just my shoe.”_

Something in her was scared and exhilarated all at once. Could she reach out and take this love? Would Angie let her?

_“Angie, you really are a magnificent person, they’ll see it someday.”_

How anyone could have looked over her brilliant friend was beyond Peggy. 

For a while, Peggy let herself entertain the notion. Her and Angie, together. Not just as friends, as lovers as they seemed destined to be. But then her fears crept in. What if Angie was just a wonderful friend? How could she ruin the incredible friendship they had built? A friendship that Peggy relied on more than air. 

Worse yet, the thought slammed into her, how could she ruin Angie? How could she ask her to leave her friends and her acting and her family? Good Catholic families didn’t let their little girls run with women like Peggy. With a woman like Peggy would be if she pursued this love. 

For weeks, she stayed up at night, mulling these things over in her head. She finally admitted she was falling in love with Angie more every day. And that was unacceptable. She _would not_ subject her dearest friend and greatest love to this. So when she saw her chance to run, she took it. 

_“I’ve got a new assignment Ange, I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave for a while.”_

_“How long will you be gone?”_

_“I can’t say.”_

Neither of them knew the tears shed by the other at that parting. Peggy would have given anything to take those words back. To fix things between them no matter what it took. But curled up in her lonely bed in California, all she could do was cry and ache over the love she might have had. But she had been too afraid to reach for it, and now Angie was gone. Now, all she had to occupy her thoughts was the endless gulf of regret that choked her on her own sobs.


End file.
